Hi, I’m Dai, and this is…was Dai’s Bookshelf.
I was a booktuber for a complete 8 months. I surpassed my goal of 6 months, and while I don’t think that 6 months is long enough to really say that I’ve experienced all that comes with putting your life and hobbies on the internet, I do think that I’ve witnessed enough to share my experience with you.
Keeping up with the Jones’:
Have you ever seen animals fight over scraps of meat? That’s what it’s like fighting for people’s attention during the day and age where attention spans are, quite frankly non-existent.
When I started this channel I told myself I wouldn’t “focus on the numbers”. That was just one of many lies that I told myself. Another was that I could still enjoy reading while posting about books on my channel.
Reading became a chore to me during these last 8 months. I have never felt such immense pressure to read and ENJOY books. While reading I would constantly think to myself if I should be filming myself. I would question how I would include the book in my thumbnail.
I did everything except enjoy the book. The guilt would hit me then because I didn’t want to film anything about books that I didn’t like. Then people would get mad that I hated books that they loved. So I tried to love them. Even when I didn’t (*Cough Cough Addie LaRue**).
Then I saw the quantity of what other booktubers were reading. 300 books in a year….What the hell?
I kept asking my screen “don’t you have a job?!” Then I answered the question. Yes, they did. It was their job to read books, film about it, and post it on youtube for likes, comments, and subscribers.
I quickly asked myself if I wanted the same…no. I don’t.
While I am not throwing shade at any specific booktubers on the internet, I do have to use my critical thinking skills that I’ve spent the last 20 something years developing and ask myself “are they actually reading though?”
Even I can admit guilt to this: picking up a book, getting to the middle of the book, getting irritated with the plot and how stupid the main characters become, and then promptly deciding to look up the synopsis because I can’t bear the thought of reading more about how Susy makes dumb decisions just to drive the plot along.
I’m sure I’m not the only one.
It took me actually enjoying a novel for the first time in a while for me to realize that the “posting life” was killing a once amazing childhood love of mine.
The Algorithm:
Ahhh, the elusive, mysterious algorithm. We can’t see it, but we know it’s there. Playing cat and mouse with us. I find it ironic and downright hilarious that the videos that are the most successful on YouTube are the ones on how to beat the algorithm.
Just saying.
That’s the goal of YouTube is it not? To get seen? Even me right now. There’s a part of me that hopes I’m not speaking to crickets. After posting for a while, you become so focused on doing what works for the algorithm. You become obsessed with making sure that your videos are good enough so that you retain the audiences’ attention. You become obsessed with what thumbnail is perfect so that you can get people to actually click on the video.
And god forbid you actually get one successful video! You then become obsessed with trying to figure out what you did right? How can you do it again? What was it that made this one stand out amongst the others?
It becomes an addiction. You don’t want to stop posting because what if the next video is theeee video? The one that puts you on the map? The one that sets you apart? You come back every week with more than enough anxiety because you just want to “beat the algorithm.” It’s gambling, with your time, your relationships, and yes, your money (booktube ain't cheap).
Final Thoughts and conclusions:
I knew that this channel wasn’t sustainable at the rate that I was going. I have a full time job and the realization dawned on me that BookTube was a second full time job. An expensive one. With no immediate return on investment.
I finally had a talk with myself on what my goal with this actually was. I wanted to try youtube for 6 months, yes but, did I just want to be on the internet talking about books that other people wrote for years to come?
And that’s what you have to think about when you start a YouTube channel. You have to ask yourself “do I see myself doing this for the next 5 years?”
I landed on Booktube because, to me, it was the perfect crossroads between everything that I loved to do. I love reading, talking about books, documenting cozy life moments, and in my head, it aligned with my goal of one day becoming an author myself. Except I wasn’t writing, I was filming.
Although I can see myself reading, enjoying and talking about books for the rest of my life, there’s no way I can see myself filming myself doing it for the next 5 years.
I know that if I had continued posting that eventually I’d make it to YouTube success. But at what cost? Sometimes you have to take a step back to check if your current habits are aligning with your overall well-being. In this case YouTube was not. Moreover, I could see how it could lead to more damage if I tried to stick it out for longer. Eventually I would get the views, the subscribers, and then I would feel even more pressure to continue even though I didn’t want to.
I grew up in the generation that saw YouTube as a hobby, not a career. But in order to be successful on this platform now You have to think of it as a career. I commemorate those who have been able to hack the algorithm. But I don’t think I can have a job as someone who entertains others with the personal details of her life.
I don’t know if I’ll try my hand again at having a channel. Maybe one day when I’m not working…so retirement. LOL. But until then, you won’t find me on the internet unless I really have something important to say.
